come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
