bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
