I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
how drunk are you?
Several
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
