This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
