She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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