I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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