the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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