I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
