dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
