i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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