they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
