I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
