I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
