it hurts more in the daytime
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
