yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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