this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
