sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
