I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Every concussion has its silver lining
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
