she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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