she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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