Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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