those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
and you fell through a lawn chair
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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