Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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