drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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