Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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