Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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