i jhust puked up my retainher.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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