As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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