I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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