When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
