Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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