if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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