I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
