i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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