If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
