Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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