is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
