dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You smell like stripper and shame
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
