You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
