ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
