Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
