I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
