You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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