I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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