Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
