big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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