my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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