I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
