Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
