the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
