he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
