you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
