A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
