it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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