Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
